Humour Isn’t Everything in the Search for Love
For years, I believed that humour was the magic glue that held romantic possibilities together. Like many people, I assumed that if I could make someone laugh, love would follow. But recent research from the University of Queensland has flipped that script. According to this new study, humour may be overrated in the search for love.
The findings suggest that making someone laugh doesn’t necessarily make you more attractive in a dating context – at least, not in the way we used to think. If you’re looking for love, you may want to rethink what truly matters when trying to find love and build a strong relationship that lasts.
Speed-Dating Shows Real Results
UQ researcher Dr. Jean Wainwright oversaw a massive speed-dating study involving over 800 speed dates. In this setup, the laughter was real, and the judgments were fast. What they found was fascinating: while participants laughed often, laughter didn’t correlate with whether someone wanted a second date.
This tells us that humour might not be the core ingredient for people who are looking for a partner. Instead, kindness, attentiveness, and emotional presence played a bigger role in helping participants find love. These traits fostered a more authentic relationship with someone than jokes ever could.
What Actually Makes Us Attractive?
Rather than aiming to be the class clown, try being a good listener. People are more drawn to those who show compassion and curiosity than those who try to be overly witty.
The study showed that feeling seen and understood matters far more than clever one-liners. So, if you’re still wondering how to find someone genuine, think less about jokes and more about how you make the other person feel. The goal is to receive love and to build a connection that could lead to lasting love, not just entertain someone temporarily.
Laughter Isn’t Always About Attraction
Here’s the curveball: people laugh for many reasons that don’t involve attraction. They laugh from nervousness, politeness, or simply out of habit. So, just because your date laughs doesn’t mean they want a relationship with someone or even a second meeting. That realization changed how I approached dating entirely.
I began to question whether my attempts at humour were serving me or just masking my vulnerability. When I stopped trying to be entertaining and focused on being emotionally present, I noticed I could better meet people and create sincere moments that might lead to a real connection.
Looking Past the Laughs to Find Real Connection
If you’re constantly cracking jokes and still single, you might need to shift your focus. Don’t let humour become a shield against vulnerability. True attraction stems from shared values and emotional safety. If your goal is to find real emotional connection, then it starts with honesty, not entertainment.
This approach has not only improved my dates but has also led to deeper and more fulfilling relationships. When we take off the mask of humor, we allow our true selves to be seen – and only then can we attract someone who’s truly compatible.
Are You Really Ready to Receive Love?
There was a time when I thought I wanted a romantic partner, but deep down, I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t addressed some core insecurities or the void inside that came from past heartbreak. It was only when I worked on my self-esteem and truly believed that I was worthy of love that things shifted.
If you don’t feel you deserve to receive love, no amount of laughter will change that. This inner awakening helped me recognize when the time is right to open up. It is the first step in the journey to find love and build a long-term relationship.
When You’re Truly Open to Love, Everything Changes
Once I became emotionally available, I noticed I stopped attracting emotionally unavailable people. Instead, I began connecting with those who could offer the kind of love and respect I was looking for.
I wasn’t just looking for someone to spend time with; I wanted to build a future. I wasn’t just seeking a boyfriend for now; I was looking for a connection that could grow into a soul mate or even a soulmate. That shift in intention, from casual to committed, allowed me to recognize what real compatibility looks like in daily interactions.
The Real Seduction Is Emotional Safety
Forget pickup lines. The real key to seduction is emotional safety. When you’re grounded, open, and sincere, you create space for a strong relationship to bloom. You’re no longer trying to impress. You’re just being you.
That authenticity is magnetic. You’ll find that people naturally gravitate to you when they sense that your attention is honest. And that’s when you really start to find someone worth your time. If you’re truly ready to feel loved, then seduction becomes less about tactics and more about presence.
Don’t Just Try to Be Funny—Try to Be Present
I stopped preparing jokes before dates. I stopped wondering if I’d come off as entertaining. Instead, I just focused on being present. Ironically, once I stopped performing, I became more magnetic.
People appreciated the genuine energy, not the rehearsed one. That shift made it easier to find someone who truly saw me for who I was. It was proof that when you live your life authentically, you naturally attract people aligned with your purpose and values – people who are also ready to build a real connection.
Final Thoughts: More Than Laughs
In the end, the best dating advice I can give is this: be yourself, but also be your best self. Being funny might spark a smile, but being emotionally attuned creates lasting bonds. If you’re looking for a partner, reflect on what really matters to you.
If you want to feel loved, then build the emotional foundation for someone to safely love you. And if you’re feeling frustrated, don’t stop looking altogether. The journey to love may take time, but it’s absolutely worth it when you find that one person who sees you, values you, and brings out your best.
Bonus: What About the Soulmate?
The idea of a soul mate or soulmate is romantic, but it’s not always helpful. You might be looking for someone perfect when in fact, love often grows between like-minded people who help each other evolve.
Focus on connection over perfection. Dating advice from professionals often emphasizes growth, resilience, and openness over idealization. If you approach each interaction with curiosity, you’ll have more opportunities to build something real.
Relationships Thrive When You Live Your Life Fully
It’s tempting to pause your life in the name of search for love. Don’t. Love doesn’t come to those who wait; it comes to those who live your life with purpose.
If you’re pursuing your passions, engaging with your community, and enjoying who you are, you naturally meet people aligned with your path. The best relationships often form when you’re least expecting it – when you’re focused on being the best version of yourself rather than chasing validation.
Real Love Brings People Together
In the end, real love isn’t about performance – it’s about presence. Laughter has its place, but the foundation is always authenticity, mutual growth, and compassion. The kind of love that brings out the best in you is worth waiting for.
Remember, the best way to find love is to create a life that you love first. That kind of joy is magnetic, and when shared, it connects people together in deep, lasting ways that comedy alone never could.
is an American author, blogger, and cybersecurity specialist based in Florida. He developed an interest in writing during his school years, which later led him to create content aimed at raising awareness about various forms of online scams, particularly in the world of online dating.
On his platform, Scam Service Report, Hall shares analytical articles and practical advice to help users recognize and avoid traps set by scammers on dating websites. He describes common scam scenarios in detail—such as quick declarations of love, urgent requests for money transfers, refusal to engage in video chats, and attempts to move conversations off the dating platform.
