“Ultimately, online dating is only as good or bad as how we use it,” says Pia Kabitzsch, psychologist and author of the book ” It’s a Date! Tinder, ghosting, big feelings. What psychology knows about dating ,” in the podcast “Change of Mind.”
Dating apps have become increasingly popular in recent years, offering a simple, fast, and convenient way to meet new people and potentially find love. But what does healthy use of Tinder and other apps look like? How can we enjoy online dating without our psyche suffering from phenomena like ghosting, catfishing, or false expectations and illusions?
8 tips for healthy use of dating apps
1. Consider your deal breakers:
If you’re considering signing up for an online dating platform, it’s a good idea to consider your absolute deal-breakers (= intolerable character traits and behaviors) in advance. Take time to think about what behaviors you can’t tolerate, such as disrespectful behavior or drug use. Once you’ve identified your deal-breakers, focus on them and stick to them. Don’t hesitate to report inappropriate content directly to make online dating more enjoyable for others. Also consider how you want to deal with ghosting, how long you want to continue contacting a person, and when it’s time for you to delete the contact.
2. Choose a reputable platform:
Of course, there are many dating apps to choose from, but not all of them are the right fit for you. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, it’s advisable to choose a reputable platform—even if it means paying for it. Paid dating apps generally attract users who are serious about finding a partner, as they’ve already invested both time and money in the app.
3. Be authentic:
When creating a dating profile, it’s important to be authentic and show your “real self.” Upload photos that reflect your personality and interests, and try to avoid edited or staged images. Editing can often be noticeable and make you appear less natural or less trustworthy. Also, take the time to add some personal information to your profile description, rather than focusing solely on your photos (your appearance). This will attract people who are interested in getting to know you for who you are, not just your looks.
4. Write personal messages (no copy paste) :
Avoid impersonal, standardized copy-paste messages and write personal ones instead. A study has shown that the likelihood of receiving a response is much higher if you write a personalized message, ideally referring to the person in the message (e.g., a photo or profile information), and mentioning the person by name. A quick tip: Women tend to respond to longer messages, while men are more likely to respond to shorter ones!
5. Meet after 2-3 weeks of online contact :
Another important tip is to ideally meet 17-23 days after the initial online contact. According to a study, this is a good time (not too early, not too late) to meet. On the one hand, you’ve already had time to open up to each other, establish a common ground, and invest some time and commitment into the relationship. On the other hand, it’s also important not to wait too long to meet, so as not to spend too much time building a potentially false ideal.
6. Invest in the date :
Try to invest in your date to make them irreplaceable and special. “Low-investment dating” is very common these days, which means that people no longer determine their worth by the quality of their relationships, but rather by the number of dates they go on. We also often make dates simple because we have a need for control: If you invest little in the date, you have little to lose. However, take the time to plan well so that the end result is truly wonderful. So put some time and preparation into the date, making it something special and irreplaceable.
7. Write directly after a good date :
It’s an old myth that it’s better to wait 3-5 days before contacting your date. This only risks your date interpreting your wait as disinterest and moving on to other people. If you enjoyed your date, be authentic and contact them right away when you feel like it. Your date will surely be pleased – and if not, it’s better to know right away.
8. Stay true to yourself :
Finally, it’s important to stay true to yourself, to focus on yourself and your own needs and feelings. Who do you feel good about, who sends you positive signals and brings you joy? Don’t engage in disrespectful behavior (stick and carrot tactics, etc.) and don’t read too much into other people’s responses. Online dating can lead to misunderstandings, so you shouldn’t even try to read into everything. Try to expect to encounter rejection from time to time—this is completely normal given the number of users. Finally, remember that ghosting often says more about your partner than about you. And rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you; it means you just weren’t a good fit. It’s not you who’s wrong; it’s just that your chemistry wasn’t right. Much more important than the recognition of others is your own recognition of yourself!
A healthy approach to dating apps means, above all, taking care of yourself. It’s okay to take breaks when you feel overwhelmed and not to put pressure on yourself to find someone. Stick to your values and boundaries and trust your gut when messaging someone. We hope these tips have given you optimism and help you have a positive and fulfilling online dating experience!
is an American author, blogger, and cybersecurity specialist based in Florida. He developed an interest in writing during his school years, which later led him to create content aimed at raising awareness about various forms of online scams, particularly in the world of online dating.
On his platform, Scam Service Report, Hall shares analytical articles and practical advice to help users recognize and avoid traps set by scammers on dating websites. He describes common scam scenarios in detail—such as quick declarations of love, urgent requests for money transfers, refusal to engage in video chats, and attempts to move conversations off the dating platform.
